I always wonder what it would be like to live the life of a different person. I want to know if someone could possibly be as miserable as me, and still be able to allow those issues to roll off their shoulders. I will never be able to understand why I feel like I am the only person still holding onto issues that were from over a year ago, and still fucking feel like they just happened to me yesterday. Am I just so abnormal? I want to know what it would feel like to just drop everything here, and just move so far away so I could try to rebuild myself up again. But the same problems would just follow me. People would still be able to find me, and he will still not be mine.
I just want to live another life, even for a day, just so I can feel something good. I don’t want this weight on my shoulders anymore, it’s almost to heavy to carry around. I can’t open up my mouth and explain things to people because it would be like dropping my problems on people who don’t need to hear it. I just sometimes wonder what would become of me if I just disappeared. I want to live a life where I wouldn’t have to study so hard to succeed in life, work every day in a shitty place or to feel sad every night and begin thinking of the past. I want to be able to wake up in the morning and not mumble to myself how fucking sad I am to be waking up. I don’t want to be in such a rush to fall asleep at night so I don’t have to feel anything anymore.
It’s so easy to pretend that I’m okay when all I want to do is not feel anything anymore.